feels like home

.. at first, those words got me angry, then sorry, then determined once more to go over this all and never get back..

And the day after I went to Cambridge, where I used to live when I was writing my triennio tesi, and there I met all my friends and I suddenly had the feeling I was closing a circle.
Those days I spent there 3 years ago are still vividly emblazoned in my mind. I used to think it was because at that time everything seemed quite settled in my life: I was going to get graduation, I had been with Paolo for 1 yr and a half and I supposed we were loving each other more than ever, I had eventually managed to work on art-therapies as I had always been wishing.
But yesterday, as soon as I got back to Cambridge, I realized it was not life itself that was perfect at that particular time. It was me.

Walking down the main street, finding the same old friends, having them hugging me energetically and asking 'where have you been all this time? when will you be back here?' has made me realize that something of me was absolutely pure and happy and strong at that time, and it must still be. I felt those tiny sparkling bits of me still hanging in the air.

It's been purifying in a way, but still I feel a bit puzzled. It's like feeling you can't blame anyone or anything, you can't just sit and complain because once more you realize you have the Power to turn your life into what you want it to be. But on the other hand, feeling miserable might be worse, but it would be so relaxing from time to time.

(Lav to Chick, Oct 23rd 2008)